KateKintail's Book Journal

I have book guilt.

I love books. I love reading. Practically every single thing I do in life connects to books somehow--I work at a non-profit for writers and writing programs, I host a writers' roundtable group, I'm a BookCrosser, I am part of two Harry Potter groups, I run young adult lit swaps in a group on swap-bot, I create book-related LEGO MOCs, I hunt historical markers... using a site that a BookCrosser created (okay, that one's a bit of a stretch, but you get the idea).

I have HUNDREDS of unread books. I counted once and got over 700, but I'm going to make a proper list sometime when my books are in my new house and not in boxes or bookcases over at my parents' place while I work on my new house.

My "Mt. To Be Read" is literally a mountain range at this point. I frequently joke that my pile of books wouldn't be so bad if writers would just stop writing sometime and allow me to catch up. But so many new, exciting books get written and demand my attention.

With that in mind, I sometimes go through my largest TBR bookcase, the one of personal books (there are separate ones for genres and one bookcase just for BookCrossing TBR books), and try to eliminate books I no longer wish to read. Usually, out of a few hundred, I end up with a handful. After one such audit of my BookCrossing TBR, I wound up with about 10 I intended to take to my next BCinDC meetup, so they could find new homes. But, as I went to put those in the bag to go, I took a second look and fell in love with them again. I wound up just bringing two from that pile to the meetup and putting the others back on the shelves.

Why do I do this? Why do I fall in love with the idea of reading some of these books? Is it the covers? Is it the stories? The genres? I like to think it's all of the above. But it's also the potential. And that's why it's even harder to get rid of BookCrossing books. Not only is the book one I want to read, but any (or all) of the following also apply:

• It came from a BookCrosser who recommended it highly


• It was on my wishlist and arrived as a RABCK


• It was literally handed to me by a BookCrosser who personally thought I would like it


• It's a rare book that magically found its way to me and I don't want to let it go in case I never find it again


• It has been on my TBR shelf so long I feel utter shame in passing it on without at least giving it a try

It's this last one that applies to almost all of the books on my shelf. This copy of Lady Chatterly's Lover, for example, has been sitting half-read on my shelf since 2006, which is also the same year I accidentally watched the movie version with sexy Sean Bean and ruined the ending for myself. But the book is HALF done. It won't take much to finish it and move it on its way.

Which is where the real guilt comes in. I choose books to read very... poorly? I hate using that word, as choosing a book to read next is such a fun experience and I'm happy to be productive reading ANY book. But that's the problem. I choose books based on what I feel like reading at the moment. I look at my shelves and choose the one the jumps out at me. Sometimes it's a BookCrossing book that's been waiting a long time. But most times it's a book from the library that happened to jump (I maintain they do it on purpose; they don't just fall, they throw themselves at me) in my lap while I was volunteering. Or it's a silly television tie-in book that is light and fun and a whole lot easier to read before bed than Moby Dick or the Glass Castle.

I'm also really bad about giving up on books. There are tons of reasons why--I have had experiences were a bad book ends up turning around 75% of the way through... I have a respect for writers and want to give them a fair chance (fairness is key; I'm a Hufflepuff)... I don't like to give up in general (if I gave up on things just because I didn't like them, I'd never leave the house again). So the time I waste on books I don't like could be cut short and then allocated to new books that I might like better.

I'm also a super slow reader. I know it doesn't seem that way from reading my reviews, but a lot of my reviews are for audiobooks, graphic novels, and children's books, all of which are quicker reads for me. melydia mentioned once that she genuinely loves reading and will go home from work and just sit and read all evening sometimes. I can only say I've done that a few times, and those were special cases:

• The Fault In Our Stars- I had 3 days to read it between time of publication and the Nerdfighter gathering IRL and I didn't want to be spoiled


• Watchmen- I... can't remember. Either I borrowed it from a coworker and had to return it or I had to lend it to a friend and I wanted to read it first


• Outlander, Dragonfly in Amber, Voyager, Drums of Autumn- Once I picked up one of these, it was literally grafted onto my skin and it was physically impossible to put the book down until I was finished reading. It made showering and eating difficult, but there was no need for sleeping, so I made it through quickly enough, considering the sizes of these books

So, would my guilt go away if writers would just stop for a moment so I could catch up? Probably not. I already have in my possession more books than I could ever read in a lifetime. With more and more added every day. And, in about 15 hours, I'll be strolling through Book Expo America for an afternoon. I would fear for my shelves, but they are all so tightly packed with books they actually can't even bow under the weight.

PS- In a related topic, I thought maybe it would be fun every month to share a photo or story of a book that is going unread on my shelves? I recently watched a vlog of a wizard rocker sharing her collection of unread books (I think she had, like 15, not 700+) and explaining why each was unread. Maybe featuring some of them here would do something to decrease my guilt?